Cancellations 

by Bruce Barton

There will be no school today in Warroad, Cannon Ball, or Buel’s

Gore. No school in Hailstone, White Hope, Bullhead, Bonesteel,

Devil’s Teeth, Dusty, Last Chance, Chill Wind, or Blue Earth

Falls. Our Lady of Perpetual Grace will hold all children

at main entrances until parents arrive. No school in Broken Heart.

The highway patrol warns that if you must travel, travel with care.

No one can see out there. The ditches are parking lots.

People are finding angels in their backyards.

Inner children are asked to shovel the walks of nearby elderly

& shut-in. All homeless are directed to the nearest federal

or state facility for cocoa & fudge-nut brownies.

No school in Bluffing or Republican Grove & no school tomorrow.

Individuals raising adolescents are asked to use restraint.

There will be no flying today. Please don’t call the airport.

Everyone there is confused & needs rest. They suggest

you dream instead or scatter bread for birds or small animals.

There will be no crime today. Rapists & lawyers are asked to remain

at home. Stockbrokers are asked to read Rilke & avoid red ties.

Fear has been cancelled. You may admit strangers to your home,

feed them (officials suggest chicken & stars soup), rub Vicks

VapoRub on their chests. The Women’s Poetry & Terrorist Group

has been cancelled, but the Great Goddess is running on schedule.

Acid rain has been delayed.

The ozone layer will not be deteriorating today.

Racism is postponed indefinitely.

Wars have been cancelled. All outbreaks of hostility

are cancelled. Let us know if you or your organization

has a cancellation. We want to get it on the air.

Gays will not be bashed today.

Men will hold battered women in their arms today & tonight.

Please help us. Give us your cancellations. No bombs

built today. There will be no school in the Hatred system

or in its outlying areas.